My phone rings. I answer. Max is on the other line.
Guess the movie.
Max: "Who is this?"
Me: "Mom-."
Max: "What's your operating number?"...
Me: "Um... Max, better put Daddy on the phone."
-pause-
Max: "Ugh, boring conversation anyway."
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My phone rings. I answer. Max is on the other line. Guess the movie. Max: "Who is this?" Me: "Mom-." Max: "What's your operating number?"... Me: "Um... Max, better put Daddy on the phone." -pause- Max: "Ugh, boring conversation anyway."
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Thirteen years ago, I was fighting the typical morning traffic to get to work, running a few minutes behind on I35, when I heard Bob Cole on the radio morning show announce that a plane had hit the World Trade Center in New York City. ... In that moment, the event was 'Probably an accident, a terrible one...big fire, more details to follow.' But a few moments later, as I parked my truck in front of the office, Bob announced that another commercial airliner had struck the second WTC tower. It didn't really sink in at the time, what he was talking about. Admittedly, I was young and ignorant - I didn't even know exactly which buildings the 'World Trade Center Towers' were (I had referred to them as the Twin Towers) - and honestly, I was more stressed about being 5 minutes late to my desk. Still, as I killed the engine and cut off the radio, something in the tone of Bob's voice, which was normally calm and reassuring, had unsettled me. It wasn't an 'accident' anymore. Sneaking into the office was easy. Everyone was already gathered around the 12" TV in the boss' office. It was set up high and rather precariously on a tall black filing cabinet, so despite the crowd in the tiny room, I easily caught my first glimpse - live - of the burning towers. It's an odd sensation; awakening. I can't forget. I won't forgive. Today's Maxism: Max: "we went to the library today and I checked out a book." Me: "sounds fun- what's the book called?"... Max: "it's called 'Dairy of a Spider.'" Me: "'Dairy of a Spider?' What's it about?" Max: "Well, it's about a spider, and he does all these things, like, gets a treat from the Dairy Queen and stuff." Me: "uh, really?" I look at the cover. Me: "Max, what's this booked called again?" Max: "Dairy of a Spider." Me (pointing): "I think this says DIARY." Max (caught): "OK, fine... (then hopeful) Can WE go to Dairy Queen?" 
Today's Maxism: After my workout today, I went to go and pick up Max in the child care center... and this is what I found: 
Today at 8am, my dad rang my door bell like an over-eager trick-or-treater. He demanded to look at my sprinkler system, pointing at the miserable straw field that used to be my front lawn. I showed him into the garage where he proceeded to have a conversation with my sprinkler system control box. It was a bit one-sided, but it went something like this: "Jeepers." "Jeepe...rs!!!" "What in the world?" "Dadgummit." -(Indiscernible mumbling)- "Sheesh, two minutes?" -(humming sci-fi tune)- "No wonder it's dead." "Jeepers." "Jeeeeepers!!! "Arrrr" "Welp, that oughtta do it." He snaps the box closed, tells me I can thank him when my grass resuscitates and shuffles off to new adventures.  Today's Maxism:
Max is on a reward system at school that gives him points in US dollars for good behavior. If he saves his dollars (racks up the good behavior) he can use his points to buy something from the school store. Today, while cashing in at the store, he asked his counselor: "Can I transfer my dollars into pounds? Then I'll have twice as many." The counselor then quizzed me on where Max's British influences come from... (Occasionally he breaks into a British accent). Caught a little off guard, I clumsily offer, "um, Harry Potter? But he's only seen it once and that was wayyyy over a year ago... And you know, they don't even have pounds!" She just nodded accomodatingly, "oh, sure." Yeah... I'm sure she thinks I'm knuts. Max (wearing said cap): "hey mommy, you know what? Davey Crockett had a raccoon hat, too." Me: "He sure did." Max: "you know why he had a raccoon hat?" Me: "why?" Max: "because when he killed the b'ar [bear] when he was only 3, it was too big!" Me: "seems legit."... Max: "and you know why he killed a b'ar?" Me: "why?" Max (matter-of-fact): "because there weren't any dinosaurs. They went extinct, like, two years before. Oh well (shrugs). Goodnight!" Goodnight, Max.  Today's Maxism:
Me: "school day tomorrow, Max, time to get in bed." Max: "I'm hungry." Me: "You just ate - a whole sandwich. And a bunch of pizza." (It was a left-overs night) Max: "I know. Can I get another turkey sandwich?" Me (knowing I cannot deny him food even though I know this is a blatant stall tactic): "okay, but You. Must. Eat. It. All." ... I make the sandwich, place it before him. Max proceeds to have a staring contest with it for a few minutes. Me: "well? are you going to eat that?" Max (maintains): "of course, I'm starving!" Still, the sandwich remains untouched. Then his attention wanes and he starts giving his favorite lecture on Star Wars. While he looks away, I sneak away part of the sandwich to see if he'd even notice - I'm hoping he'll protest the loss... But when he turns back to the plate, he shouts out proudly, "see, I was so hungry I just absorbed half this sandwich with my mind!!" Nice try. |
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