Category: Max - The Moxie House of Verve & Whimsy

Mother Nature Unapproved....

5/25/2015

Today's Maxism:
~it just doesn't spit well~

We're driving home. Daddy (passenger side) rolls the window down to spit.

Max: "Ugh, Daddy, I wish you wouldn't do that!"...
Daddy: "Sorry buddy, I know it's not very good manners, is it?"
Max: "no, it's gross. And what if an animal thinks it's food or something and tries to eat it?"
Daddy (a bit perplexed by the unusual observation): "Well, maybe that would be a pretty stupid animal."
Max: "Daddy, you shouldn't call animals stupid. Mother Nature wouldn't approve."
‪#‎todaysmaxism‬ ‪#‎mothernatureunapproved‬

Happy Thanksgiving 2014

11/27/2014

Today's Maxism...

Me: "Good morning, Max!"...
Max: (non-committal grunt)
Me: "It's Thanksgiving, buddy."
Max: "yeah."
Me: "well, guess what I'm thankful for?"
Max (sarcastically): "oh, let me read your mind - me!"
Me (slightly miffed): "actually, I was gonna say pie."
Max: "hm, that's too bad. Because I'm sweeter than pie."

A bit tart, I think....

Happy Thanksgiving!

- the phone call -

9/14/2014

Today's Maxism:
My phone rings. I answer. Max is on the other line.
Guess the movie.

Max: "Who is this?"
Me: "Mom-."
Max: "What's your operating number?"...
Me: "Um... Max, better put Daddy on the phone."
-pause-
Max: "Ugh, boring conversation anyway."

- The Date -

9/6/2014

Today's Maxism:

So, I took the boys on a little 'dinner date with mommy.' As we sat down to enjoy our meals, a fashionably dressed woman with a large Louis Vuitton purse sat at a table behind us, plopping that gigantic thing in the chair opposite herself.

Max contemplates her for a few seconds.... then he points, and announces loudly to the whole cafe:

"Look, mommy, that silly lady is on a date with her purse!"

- defending the fort -

9/4/2014

Today's Maxism:

After my workout today, I went to go and pick up Max in the child care center... and this is what I found:

- by the pounds -

9/3/2014

Today's Maxism:

Max is on a reward system at school that gives him points in US dollars for good behavior. If he saves his dollars (racks up the good behavior) he can use his points to buy something from the school store.

Today, while cashing in at the store, he asked his counselor:
"Can I transfer my dollars into pounds? Then I'll have twice as many."

The counselor then quizzed me on where Max's British influences come from...
(Occasionally he breaks into a British accent).
Caught a little off guard, I clumsily offer, "um, Harry Potter? But he's only seen it once and that was wayyyy over a year ago... And you know, they don't even have pounds!" She just nodded accomodatingly, "oh, sure."

Yeah... I'm sure she thinks I'm knuts.

- the 'coon skin cap -

9/2/2014

Today's Maxism:

Max (wearing said cap): "hey mommy, you know what? Davey Crockett had a raccoon hat, too."
Me: "He sure did."
Max: "you know why he had a raccoon hat?"
Me: "why?"
Max: "because when he killed the b'ar [bear] when he was only 3, it was too big!"
Me: "seems legit."...
Max: "and you know why he killed a b'ar?"
Me: "why?"
Max (matter-of-fact): "because there weren't any dinosaurs. They went extinct, like, two years before. Oh well (shrugs). Goodnight!"

Goodnight, Max.

- the half sandwich -

9/1/2014

Today's Maxism:

Me: "school day tomorrow, Max, time to get in bed."
Max: "I'm hungry."
Me: "You just ate - a whole sandwich. And a bunch of pizza." (It was a left-overs night)
Max: "I know. Can I get another turkey sandwich?"
Me (knowing I cannot deny him food even though I know this is a blatant stall tactic): "okay, but You. Must. Eat. It. All."
...
I make the sandwich, place it before him. Max proceeds to have a staring contest with it for a few minutes.

Me: "well? are you going to eat that?"
Max (maintains): "of course, I'm starving!"

Still, the sandwich remains untouched. Then his attention wanes and he starts giving his favorite lecture on Star Wars. While he looks away, I sneak away part of the sandwich to see if he'd even notice - I'm hoping he'll protest the loss...

But when he turns back to the plate, he shouts out proudly, "see, I was so hungry I just absorbed half this sandwich with my mind!!"

Nice try.

- magic clay -

8/29/2014

Today's Maxism:
They made magic clay at school today. Apparently its side effects include rapid hair growth and extreme manliness.

- presidential a'dress -

8/28/2014

Today's Maxism:

When we got home from school today, I turned the news on and President Obama was giving a press conference in a khaki-colored suit. I watched/listened while Max snacked. After a moment, I realized Max was tuned in, too...

Me: "Max, you know who that is, right?"
Max: "sure, that's President Obama... But he's not wearing his president suit. That's his lawyer suit."